She Didn’t Know

I am supposed to be on my yoga mat right now, but my plans changed for this morning . . . 

Have you ever loved a teenager? If so, you know that it’s a delicate dance between how much and how little? Do you keep quiet or do you talk? Do you ask questions or allow for silence?

I’ve been in a rather “intense” parenting practice of allowing silence between us; to give my teenager daughter space to not have to talk, share or answer questions. I find that when there’s just the right amount of quiet, she talks when she is ready. So, I wait patiently.

Last night I was going through old blog posts (that’s another story) and stumbled upon one that I wrote about her when she was 9-years-old, six years ago, A Letter to my Daughter.

I sent her a text with the link, not knowing if she would read it. I definitely had no plans to follow up and ask her.

This morning on our way to school, it was quiet like it usually is.

And then she said, I read your whole post. And without her knowing, tears welled up in my eyes.

She continued to say, I read others too. I think you should write a book.

I read them all the way to the end. 

I had so many questions. I wanted to know what she thought and why, but I did my best to refrain, but one question squeaked out. 

What did you think about the letter?

It’s true, she said. 

There were a few things that she didn’t know. 

She didn’t know that when I was 20-years-old, twenty-eight years ago, I made a list, All the Things I want to Accomplish Before I Die. On that list is write a book.

She also didn’t know that just this month when I was celebrating a magnificent milestone, passing my clinical exam, a little cake was ordered for me with a candle. I blew it out and wished to write a book.

Side note, I think we should share our wishes to put the energy out in the world, not keep them private. 

What she also didn’t know was just this morning I was writing my daily journal entry where I reflect and wish about the life I want, hope and wish for . . . among my aspirations for today were living a simple, spacious life, to love, feel freedom and joy, to feel fulfilled and relaxed AND to someday write a book.

I said to Julia, my daughter, she just made the dedication page when I someday write a book.

To read A Letter to my Daughter, click here.

I’ll do yoga later this afternoon:-)